My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
