Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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