discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
being pregnant is like rehab
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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