You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
