she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
