My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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