my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
