we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
