So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
