There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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