I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
