So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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