I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
