OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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