I'm sorry my penis didn't work
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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