Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
