no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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