saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
