You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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