Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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