this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
