no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
