I heard we made out
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
