omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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