Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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