There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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