Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
