I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize