It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
