You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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