i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
