did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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