whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She even gives head with a lisp.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
