Hey man sorry I got all grabby
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
