forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
