how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
