He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
No subtext here. People are naked.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I love you. Go after that dick
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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