I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
