I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
wow bdsm is so cute
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize