I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
