Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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