Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
