My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
