Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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