They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
