The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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