Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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