apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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