A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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