Already got asked if we're dating
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
