My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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