Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
