Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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