"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
