NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize