Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
