Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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