Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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