He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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