and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
