oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
