alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
