Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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