the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
