my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
