I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
