Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Everything about him screamed your future.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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