she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
