I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
